How To Tell Someone To Stop Complaining? 5 Ways To Deal With Complainers

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How To Tell Someone To Stop Complaining? 5 Ways To Deal With Complainers

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How To Stop Complaining In A Relationship (11 Surefire Ways)

If you want to know how to stop complaining in a relationship, you should start listening to this article because we are going to go over this subject in detail! If your marriage is struggling because you complain about your family all the time, you might have an issue with your family, enjoy gossiping, or just appreciate a complaint or two to the right person.

However, your marriage may be better off with you not complaining about your family or any complaint you may have. This is not to say that you should not be honest; always be honest in marriage. Let your partner know you are there for him or her; just make sure you are calm when you respond to your husband rather than arguing like a married person.

Hearing a constant complaint or non-constructive argument in your communication can cause stress and make it difficult to carry on a conversation with the one you love. Create a more peaceful environment for your relationship instead. Make communication easy in your home. Your partner will thank you for that.

How To Stop Complaining In A Relationship (11 Real Ways)

1. Listen to your partner’s needs

If you aren’t great at listening, now is the time to start. You may wish to read a few articles on the subject so that you can understand the importance of listening. It’s a crucial element of a healthy relationship, so make sure you know how to do it right. You should do more than just “hear” what your partner is speaking about.

Active listening involves feedback and productive conversation between two people, not arguing. Instead, you join in on what you hear from your partner. If you truly care about what is being said in your relationships, you will learn to enjoy the time you spend talking to one another. You’ll love just being able to talk about what happened in your day.

2. Count your blessings

Be grateful for the things you have in this life. You can purchase a gratitude journal or just use a notebook and pen to write down your blessings. You should think about what positive blessings you have in your life and the relationships you have been blessed with. There are surely plenty of them to be happy about.

3. Practice “stop thinking” exercises

A stop thinking exercise is when you catch yourself doing an action, like complaining, and you stop that behavior. You might just recognize your problem with complaining and then tell yourself to say something positive instead of complaining as usual.

4. Look at the big picture

In the big scheme of things, does your complaint truly matter? Assume it does not because, more often than not, it does not matter. It’s better to think about the positive parts of your relationship. Don’t say, “You stink! Go take a shower!” Say, “If you go take a shower, maybe we can cuddle up afterward and watch a movie!”

5. Remind yourself

remind yourself

Some people who face conflict with certain issues, like a problem with complaining, wear a rubber band around their wrist to remind them of their problem. This way, they can slap it when they catch themselves doing it, and they’ll stop this behavior quickly lest they get slapped with a rubber band.

6. Decide what you can and cannot change

Often, if you look at things like the Serenity Prayer, you will realize that we can only affect the things we can control, not what is out of our control. We should only focus on the things we have some control over and not complain in our relationship about things that we cannot control because it is pointless and not worth the effort.

7. Look at the other point of view

You should think about the point of view of your partner. Can you see the world through their eyes? What do you think they are thinking about this problem? Do they see things your way? Can you see their side of things? If you can’t be empathetic, you might want to talk to them about what you feel and think about.

8. Discuss your concerns

Discuss the things you worry over with your partner. There’s no reason to keep these things bottled up inside of you because your attitude and tone will reflect how you feel. This means that your partner will know something is up any way you try to spin things.

Think about the positive side of things, too. You might be upset because your spouse burned dinner when you told him to check on it several times. You may not feel like he listened to you as he should have, which makes you angry. Instead of dropping the subject, you continue to complain about the ruined dinner for weeks to come.

This isn’t very helpful for your relationship. Instead, what if you just let your partner know that in the future, you want them to listen to you when you suggest that they check on dinner before it is ruined for the evening. Then, drop it! Focus on fixing the problem rather than rehashing it over and over again. That is not useful or productive!

9. Journal

There are many kinds of free journals you can find online and print out. Alternatively, you can just use a notebook and pen to write out your thoughts on paper. The important thing is to get it out on paper and to get it out of your mind. This way, you won’t complain so much, because you will have gotten all your worries out on paper.

If something is still bothering you and you need to talk to your partner about it, you should discuss it with them in a positive light. You might even use your journal to write down your thoughts on the subject. You might list the reasons that this is important to you and why you are bringing the issue up to your partner on this day.

Then, you might also use your journal to name all the solutions you have for the issue. If you come at the problem from a solution point of view, you are much more likely to have a positive outcome than if you are to just gripe about the problem over and over again with no solution in sight.

Understand Why People Complain

Before you just go to someone and ask them to never complain again, you need to know what triggers someone to constantly complain. There could be things about everything that really bother them all the time. Or it could be completely a psychological problem that needs to be fixed.

Now, one of the most common reasons why people complain so much is because of having less than their desire. Not having anything as much as you should, triggers the distress in you. Which eventually leads to complaining. The biggest factor in this matter is dissatisfaction. When people are not satisfied with the resources they’ve been provided with, they complain.

You cannot change someone’s life overnight, give them everything they want and expect them to stop complaining. Because it is simply impossible. People who have been spending their whole lives or at least a very significant amount, without meeting their emotional, physical, material or psychological needs, are most prone to complain. Their dissatisfaction turns into frustration.

Then there are other people, who complain because they aren’t happy with whatever they have. They need more and more because it makes them feel safer. For instance, if someone has a lot of money and is still complaining about it, it means that person is overly scared of losing their money. If your partner complains a lot about the relationship between you two, it means they are not happy with the love you are already sharing with them.

The latter ones are more difficult to handle. Because they have all the things they need or want, and are still not happy with it. Chances are they will never find anything enough for them, but with proper care, counseling and therapy, it can be cured. And while you bear with their complaints on a daily basis, you need to know that you are doing more than enough.

05 Ways to Deal with Complainers

With proper care, love, counseling and a lot of talking, you can easily deal with a chronic complainer. All they need is just more care which they have been away from.

Once you understand what makes them complain so much, you can move on to dealing with it. Here are 10 ways you can tell someone to stop complaining, or deal with their complaints in a healthy manner.

1. Listen To Them

One of the biggest reasons why people turn into a constant complainer is because they feel like no one is listening to them. There’s a big difference between hearing someone talk and listening to someone talk. While we all hear what complainers are saying, we never truly listen to their complaints.

Listen to every word they say, what they are complaining about. Try to listen to their tone when they’re complaining. You might actually find something meaningful in there and that could lead you to solutions directly.

2. Understand Their Grief

Only listening to them won’t make them stop complaining. You have to understand the grief behind their complaints. Try to notice their eyes, lips and voice tone when they are complaining. Sometimes they might even shatter by sadness.

When they talk, just keep nodding your head. Don’t try to look for logic here. A person complains only because he or she is feeling less given. So no matter how much you think you are trying to live up to their expectations, it will always be less.

Try to keep silent while they complain. If you truly want to understand what goes inside their mind emotionally, you need to quietly observe them while complaining. You have to feel it inside you in order to help them.

3. Change Your Perspective

Re-frame the situation by changing your perspective. You might think that you have nothing to do with them complaining constantly. But it might not always be the case. Your actions could also lead them to this situation.

Try to put yourself in the complainer’s situation. See if you feel different about it. Notice every little detail of what could make them dissatisfied. Relate the problems with yourself now, think of what you’d do if you were to help yourself. Then try to implement those in the complaint’s situation.

If you find something in your actions that actually led them to this problem, you need to admit it in front of them. And you need to make them believe that you would actually work on yourself and try to be more cooperative.

4. Explain Your Part

Tell them everything that has been bothering you about their constant complaints. Let them know how you feel discouraged or ignored whenever they complain about something that you’ve put your heart into. It should let them know that you are trying your best.

Do not get overwhelmed by emotions and say something that will hurt them instead. Such as, “I did this and this, and you’re still not happy, there are something must’ve been wrong with you”. Instead, let them know that you completely understand their part, and you are open to help them, while emphasizing on them to understand you too.

5. Look For Solutions

When you are done talking to each other and have figured out what the actual problem is, it’s time for both of you to look for solutions. Not individually, but as a team. The complainer might be unwilling to accept their concerns as a ‘concern’. You need to be more patient here and make them realize.

Most of the time, complainers know exactly what they need, hence the complaints. It’s best to talk to them and take their suggestions on how they would like to experience the situation. Instead of talking to a third person and getting them involved, try to reach out to the complainer. Know what they want. Make a pact between you two.

In situations worse than this, get the help of a professional. Get your partner or the one who complains to a psychologist. With proper counseling, it’ll be easier to fix the problem.


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